Dog Proofing not Proofreading: The Best Guide Dog in the World Ever?

Doggy Blog 2

I AM BORN! I don't know where I am, but I'm in the world, waiting to grow big enough so I can go and live with The Word Smith and become the Best Guide Dog in the World!

And just look what my new keeper did this weekend! She hung a gate, all by herself (well, that’s what she says) and all for me! I’ll do my best not to wriggle through the side or jump over the top, but she knows I’ll be far too small when I arrive to try any such antics. Just give me a few weeks, and I’ll be high jumping for England and she won’t see me for dust.

NOW I'm born, I learn she’s had a dog before. I will not be her first. She is not a dog virgin. She's unearthed a load of her Dolly's old stuff - a bed, a lead, a cage, a muzzle (!) - and she's hoping to use them for me. I will be expected to make use of second-paw goods? I thought she knew that I’m destined to become the Best Guide Dog in the World. To enable that to happen, I shall require pampering of the highest order. Meals four times a day. A toilet break every hour for the first few weeks. Fresh spring water in my bowl at all times. And I will need to be carried everywhere outside for the first 5 weeks of our life together. She thinks that’s because of vaccinations, whatever those are, but I know it’s because it’s important to establish who’s boss during those crucial first few weeks of our bonding.

My keeper’s supervisor has been to visit the Word Smith today, so I’ve heard, to do a ‘pre placement’ visit. She’s been given LOADS of paperwork to read and detailed instructions on how to treat me when I come to live with her. I’ve heard I’ll be expected to sleep on my own every night from as soon as I arrive, no matter how much I cry for my mum and my siblings. That’ll test her heartstrings; if I can get her down the stairs on that first night, I’ll be in charge from then on. The next call she gets from this supervisor person will be to give her a date when I am likely to be placed. (I take umbrage at the term ‘placed’. I’m not going to be an ornament on a shelf, but then that’s humans for you. They call my mum a brood bitch, and refer to toileting as ‘spend’ even though it’s got nothing to do with the money they use to buy us stuff, so I reckon they’re a bit messed up.)

Anyway, woof woof till next time. I may even know my own name by then!