The Circles of Grammar Hell
Fourth Circle: Hated Abbreviations
"ICYMI, this level is for people who use OPAs (off-putting abbreviations) to show off their supposed hipness and/or needlessly confuse others. New abbreviations are constantly being invented and CASJ dropped into conversation. The souls are expected to KTOS (know them or suffer). Good luck with your KLRDT (Keats-like rapidly degenerative tuberculosis) as you’re also subjected to MMMTDs (massively multi-personal medieval torture devices). Are you doing OK? No. You’re doing AWACBE (as well as can be expected), given the MNNTKUWNVECD (mind numbing need to keep up with non-vocabulary-extending cultural dross). In short (but is it really?), it’s annoying AF." [1]
So, the 4th Circle of Grammar Hell according to McSweeney's: the Abbreviation
An annoying literary tic?
A necessary evil?
A deliberate distancing technique?
An elitist tool?
In this day and age, what with Twitter and texting and emails and that lack of time and space in which to explore our thoughts and feelings, the abbreviation 'SLANE' [2].
Those little acronyms, DTMYGI [3], pop up everywhere. Suddenly, without being taught, we’re all supposed to know what LMAO [4] means, and to be generally LOLing and TTFNing [5] to our heart’s delight. The creeping use of abbreviations within texts is infuriating enough, but perhaps understandable to an extent as a sort of 'numb thumb' avoidance technique, but when you start seeing strings of capital letters in reports or newspaper articles or magazines or books, YHSTYB [6]. Particularly when the author starts dropping then in at random without first explaining what they are (okay, guilty as charged!).
I mean, take the acronym NATO. Many of us are probably mostly familiar with that as the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation. Or are we? It could depend very much on where you’re from and what context you’re using it in. It could be the New Albanian Terrorist Organisation. Or Not a Terrorist Organisation at all. It may not be NATO (Not all that Original) to admit it, but like many of us, I NATO on the weekend (Need Alcohol to Operate). I hope I’m NATO (Not About to Offend), but the NATO (Nazis Are Taking Over), so maybe we need NATO after all. Or we might just need a relaxing and entertaining NATO (Night At the Opera), if the NATO (National Association of Theatre Owners) allows its premises to be used for such NATO (Non Academic but Tuneful Overacting. Ok, I made that last one up!). Too bad I’m NATO (Not Able to Organise) anything and am NATO (No Action, Talk Only), otherwise I’d become a member of the NATO (Nepal Association of Tour Operators) and could actually be doing something useful with my time! [7]
Oh how we like to talk in tongues. Acronyms have taken on a world of their own, and in the course of musing on this topic for the sake of this blog I’ve found whole websites and dictionaries devoted to the definition of capitalised words and even mixtures of words and numbers (IOQ – I thank you? Who knew?!). It’s all 2M2H (too much to handle), it’s all 511 (too much information). Some of them – like G2GICYAL8ER (got to go I’ll see you later) actually take more time to type in than the phrase would be to type out in full! [8].
As someone whose texts must contain correct grammar and punctuation and who has never used LOL and certainly not BISFLATM (Boy, I sure feel like a turquoise monkey) in her life, it nearly makes me FOMCL when I think about putting together a piece of writing comprising lots of capitals and little else. And if you don’t know what FOMCL means, then DYOR (or Do Your Own Research!) and try to make your writing an AFZ!
Don’t forget – BKTY – be kind to yourself. After all, YOLO (you only live once)!
TTFN!
[2] Seems Like a Necessary Evil
[3] Any ideas? I was thinking ‘designed to make you go insane’, but you could always make up your own here to fit!
[4] Go and look this one up!
[5] Ditto!!
[6] Your heart sinks to your boots… like yours has no doubt on seeing all these footnotes!!
[7] All NATO examples courtesy of http://www.abbreviations.com/abbreviations/NA/162
[8] All taken from https://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/textmessageabbreviations.asp
