Molly goes bra shopping and helps choose a new washing machine

It’s pouring with rain, I don’t want to get my paws wet, so I’ve dragged the Wordsmith upstairs to her desk, taken up post at her feet (makes her feel important) and thought I’d share a few woofs with you about my adventures since the last time we met.

The day after our epic car journey back home from Down South, the Wordsmith had decided she wanted a break from me for the day in order to go and see some musical apparently written by that bloke from The Police. They call him Sting, although I thought that’s what bees did, but there you go. There’s no accounting for what humans call themselves (or their dogs. I met one recently called Betty. I thought that was a human name but, like mine, they like to give us four-legged friends monikers to make us sound more like friends than the rulers of the world that we are. By rights we should be called Emperor and Boss, but these humans do like their anthropomorphisation). Anyway, this Sting has written a musical called The Last Ship and this Sheffield Folk Chorale choir lot the Wordsmith belongs to have apparently got this song in their musical repertoire, so thought it’d be a jolly jape to hire a coach and all go to see it in Nottingham together. I was quite relieved not to be having to go on that M1 again, so the Wordsmith checked with the Guide Dog people and then arranged for Auntie Wendy to come round and look after me.

Now, I LOVE Auntie Wendy. She plays with me and gets on the floor with me and treats me really nicely. The Wordsmith had got some of Auntie Wendy’s favourite foods in for her to nibble on during the day and wrote out all sorts of instructions about what to do with me and how to blow the whistle for my lunch. Then she was gone. A whole day without the Wordsmith. I whimpered a bit by the front door when she left, but mainly so Auntie Wendy would tell her I’d missed her which would make her feel important, then Auntie Wendy and I got on and had a lovely day together. The Wordsmith didn’t get home till 8 o’clock, so Auntie Wendy had to blow the whistle for my tea as well. We played in the garden and lazed in the lounge and generally had a really nice time so I’m hoping the Wordsmith goes off again for the day soon so I can spend some quality time with Auntie Wendy.

Since then I’ve been out to lunch LOADS of times and met Auntie Sue and Auntie Liz and walked in the woods with Auntie Vanessa again, tip-pawing through the bluebells. But I have to say my bestest day was when Auntie Katie brought Rupert to see me again because Rupert and I got to spend loads of time playing in the garden. Rupert isn’t much taller than me, so it’s great being able to woof to someone on my level for a change and he can move quicker than the Wordsmith so it’s more fun chasing Rupert round the garden. She tried to take some pictures of us playing, but by the time her new camera phone had cranked up (more later), I'd moved; up till that point, I'd been lying next to Rupert and had been enjoying a lovely chat while he told me all about his trip to the local museum and I'd told him I'd been there and had a widdle in front of the polar bear. Rupert thought that was hilarious. I didn't see what was quite so funny given that he was crouching for quite a long time in a position familiar to me when I do busy, but that's kids for you.

One day when we went out for lunch we were in the big city where the shops are for ages afterwards as the Wordsmith decided she wanted to buy a new bra. I’m sure she thinks it’s good for my training to have to go into fitting rooms, but I can’t be held responsible for the accident I had on the carpet in the Marks & Spencer lingerie department afterwards. Really, my tolerance levels can only stretch so far!

After that episode I thought we might go home, but the Wordsmith had also decided she’d had enough of her washing machine stopping mid cycle and threatening to mangle the clothes she has to keep washing apparently because of me (that's what she says; I don't know what I've got to do with it quite honestly). So, we go into the John Lewis place where I help her to choose a machine exactly like the one she's had for fifteen years, only newer. I thought that would be it then, no more shopping, a bit of free running. But no, technology has been letting my keeper down recently, and she was also fed up with her mobile phone dying on her all time, so off we went to the mobile phone shop. They all loved me in there, and I was very patient while they cloned the Wordsmith’s phone onto another one, which looks exactly the same to me. But the cloning went on a bit too long, and I got a bit impatient and jumped up and scratched the Wordsmith’s arm accidently with my claws and made her bleed. Jade, who’d been doing the cloning, had to put plasters on my keeper and I felt bad then but it didn’t stop me doing the same thing in Next when we went shopping a few days later. The Wordsmith told me she’d be getting a reputation in the city centre as The Bloodstained One and that shops will be reaching for their first aid boxes when they see us walking down Fargate. I promised to try to be less jumpy uppy in future. It’s all a bit embarrassing for the Wordsmith really, because she has to keep going back to the mobile phone place cos she doesn’t like the phone she got. It takes AGES to load up the camera and I’ve moved out of position by the time she gets to take a snap which is one reason why there’s hardly any recent photos of me with this update. It’s all got a bit much for my keeper, so here's one the Wordsmith forgot to include in last time's update of me getting jealous of Leanne giving Bess a bit too much love!!

Oh dear, this update is already a few weeks out of date so I’d better let the Wordsmith go live with it; we’ve been so busy doing lovely walks and digging the garden and the allotment (I help where I can) that weeks have gone by since we started this. Woof woof for now and see you all again soon when I'll tell you about my visit to the Millennium Gallery and what I think of the tennis season. There is also a storm brewing and I am not sure what I make of the thunder outside plus the Wordsmith has lost her hashtag and apostrophe keys on her laptop and is getting a bit fractious; a proofreader without an apostrophe key is like a dog without a bone. I am off to hide while she looks for it. Licks!